Here’s How to Get Over Your Ex Without Bitterness
Breakups are hard enough as they are. But the “how to get over your ex” part is harder for some people.
This article may be the nth one you’ve read on the subject. We understand if you’re tired of the listicles telling you how to move on from them. So, we won’t deconstruct our advice into bullet points and tell you it’ll be roses.
Before you return to the dating field, you should confront the painful aftermath of your breakup, which you unfortunately can’t run from. No matter how much you try blocking that out, it’ll come for you—and it won’t be pretty.
Pain can lead to poor decision-making and bitterness if you let it linger long. You don’t want to be the bitter ex.
And with that, feel free to grab that pint of ice cream in your fridge. Let’s get through this together.
Why Do Breakups Hurt A Lot?
Breakups are terrible for numerous reasons. Perhaps the most painful one is the loss of your sense of self.
Think about it. Many tend to center their lives around their relationships. While they’re aware of their surroundings and everything else outside them, their partners are the sun, and they’re the planets that revolve around them.
If you’re like this and your relationship ends, it can feel like the world is crashing down on you. Life suddenly becomes dark, hollow, and meaningless. A part of you has seemingly left along with your ex.
Another reason breakups sting is because people need to have social connections. It’s in human nature to bond with others for our overall well-being. When those bonds get severed, those involved go into shock.
The pain feels heavier if your breakup comes from a long-term relationship. Since you’ve gotten used to having your ex around, your return to singlehood feels like an out-of-body experience—and not the good kind.
And lastly, post-breakup uncertainty is scary. This fear is especially intense in breakups that come out of the blue. If you’re someone whose ex broke up with you all of a sudden, you’re not alone.
Many don’t know how to move forward, nor do they want to navigate post-breakup futures. They don’t want to deal with moving on because they don’t know how to handle a breakup and are afraid of living without their exes.
Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses
Taking a trip down memory lane is a common coping mechanism for breakups.
Given the sad nature of the event, it’s normal to reminisce about the good times you had with your ex. However, nostalgic trips to the past can have you wearing rose-colored glasses.
Thoughts of “what went wrong” and the like flood your head as the memories keep replaying. But when in love, you might miss or choose to ignore the red flags. As cliche as it sounds, there’s some truth to the saying that love is blind.
You might fail to spot problems because the intensity of your feelings steals your attention. If not, you might put on blinders, hoping the issues will magically work themselves out or the relationship will do the fixing.
And with that, ditch the “It’s not too late; I can fix them” mindset (this is also applicable when entering new relationships).
Here’s a friendly reminder: people aren’t projects. If anyone has to do the “fixing,” it should be them and no one else. And for starters, they need to want that change.
As much as this is difficult to accept, no amount of reminiscing can bring back your failed relationship. You might only want to look at the highs because you want to experience them all over again. But the reality is that your breakup has already happened. And perhaps it needed to be done.
The point? See your relationships for what they were. The bad and ugly times came along with the good ones, and you should acknowledge them, too. You can’t move on if you’re dead set on being stuck in the past.
Life Has More to Offer Than Just Relationships
Getting over a breakup means realizing there’s more to life than just relationships. You may not see it now, but there’s still much to live for.
Romance isn’t (and shouldn’t be) the only kind of love your heart accepts. Your other loved ones still exist, and they have a lot of love to give. Surrounding yourself with them is a great reminder that life still has meaning.
Another point to consider is that you have your own needs to fulfill. You’ll probably realize this later, but you may have failed to meet some of yours (or your ex’s) when your relationship was still ongoing. More often than not, the dissatisfaction causes breakups.
Let this be a reminder to look out for yourself. You can’t look out for and love others to the best of your abilities if you can’t do the same for yourself.
Don’t Be the Bitter Ex
You’re hurting now, and that’s understandable. You’re not emotionless; even the bravest people aren’t afraid to let their emotions surface. You are allowed to get mad over your breakup because you’re entitled to your feelings.
But you can’t and shouldn’t feel incensed forever. If your anger doesn’t dissipate, you’ll find yourself back at square one, but with rage. That’ll only weigh you down more. How to get over your ex requires you to let that hurt go so it won’t hold you back.
Don’t be that miserable ex who berates them every chance you get. Just because you two are over doesn’t mean they deserve your lashings and ill wishes.
Being the bigger person is easier said than done, but this is how to deal with heartbreak healthily. You’re better off leaving them alone and minding your business.
Healing Won’t Happen Overnight
People move on at different paces, and healing doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. There’s a reason there’s no guide on how to get over an ex fast.
So, forget about deadlines and targets—heartbreaks don’t follow them. Take your time to recover; don’t speedrun anything. You’ll only drag your misery longer than necessary.
The “how to get over your ex” part of a breakup is hard, but it’s a necessary lesson. You may not believe it now, but trust us—you will be okay.
